Angelina Jolie Watch

Apparently Angelina Jolie’s life has turned into a work of fiction by some celebrity columnists. I’m thinking that some of these people really have nothing better to do than make up things that never happened (like the $700 shower, while I have no proof that never happened I’m having my doubts since AJ was in VIETNAM which is a far way away from CALIFORNIA last Friday. Sheesh people, find a life!

I can just see it now. As Angelina Jolie prepares for her next visit to a third world orphanage, she receives a call from her philanthropy publicist, who says that her digital photographer has just quit. “But I need someone to take pictures of me caring for the kids!�? Jolie screams.

“Angelina, we can hire a new one. Better yet, I have a six megapixel digital camera. I can take pictures of you holding one of the kids. You should hold one of the Black ones since it will make you look more caring!�?

“Well, we need to make sure that the kids look sick. If they aren’t sick, please poison their food!�? Jolie goes on. Then, she calls in Brad to make sure that her other two adopted kids, Maddox and Zahara, are dressed for their photo ops. She dresses Maddox in ninja-type clothes, but chooses African safari clothes for Zahara. She then decides that Brad needs a moment of pleasure before they begin their journey. “I bet Jennifer could never do that!�? she says in a whispery voice. Brad nods his head in agreement.

Does this sound like the “Saint Angelina�? the world has come to embrace over the past few years? Perhaps not. But you know something is wrong in the “Saint Angelina�? public relations department when even the ultra-liberal New York Times disses you.

In an article titled “After All That Goodness, a Sudden Fall From Grace,�? the New York Times discusses her snobby interview with Ryan Seacrest at the Golden Globes, where Angelina pretty much let Ryan know that she was too good for him. The article goes on to quote other news sources that are currently blasting the self appointed Mother of Legal Adoption. But did Angelina really ever deserve that title?

Apparently, St. Angelina’s adoption of Maddox from Cambodia was anything but legal: government officials were bribed; Maddox’s mother was paid a substantial amount of cash; and the American businesswoman who handled the adoption is now in prison. Worst of all, many parents hopeful of adopting a child from Cambodia had their hearts broken when the government banned all adoptions because of Angelina Jolie’s illegal activities. So why did the media look beyond these facts when turning Angelina into a saint?

The answer is simple: the media doesn’t care about facts; they are only interested in building up celebrities just so they can tear them down. St. Angelina, the Mother of Adoption, was an image that would sell. Jolie’s hookup with Brad Pitt made St. Angelina even more marketable, even if some accused her of stealing him away from Jennifer Aniston. But the image of St. Angelina isn’t selling as well, so it’s time for the media to tear her down.

Of course, Angelina’s calling her newborn child Shiloh a “blob,�? and blabbing to the press about how she wants to adopt legally (when she’s actually an adoption criminal) doesn’t help. The media looks for reasons to tear down a celebrity and Angelina has given them all the right ones.

There’s hope for Angelina Jolie. Once a celebrity gets torn down, the media likes to build them up again: it’s called “the comeback.�? But the celebrity has to give a good reason for the media to do this. Going to third world orphanages and cuddling with kids in front of cameras isn’t going to help. Angelina’s other fake philanthropy efforts, such as being a U.N. Ambassador, are going to make people hate her even worse. It’s time to bring back “Slut Angelina” from the early part of the decade. At least that image was fun and convincing.

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